Hold The Mustard
by LarielRomeniel
Summary: Four teams celebrate saving the world - again - and the return of a missing teammate. But with this bunch, of course things get silly! Ignores most canon from the 2017-2018 seasons of all four shows.


AUTHOR'S NOTE: I started this story a little over a year ago, and couldn't quite make it work. So I put it aside, and picked it up again about a week ago. I've ignored a lot of series canon, choosing to have everyone live. Including our favorite crook.

Many thanks to Jael for the beta! She made a suggestion on the first go-around of this last year, and I finally figured out how to make it work.

* * *

There was a bit of a bounce in Cisco's step as he made his way through the crowd celebrating outside the STAR Labs hangar. The Anti-Monitor was defeated, his metahuman recruits were back in their cells at Iron Heights and ARGUS, and while they'd had a rough go of it for a while, all four teams had come out of this in one piece…

And wIth a missing piece restored, to boot.

Life was good, and it would only get better with one of Joe West's special cheeseburgers, medium rare with extra cheddar and red onion…

No, hold the onion, Cisco decided as Lisa Snart brushed by him. She gave him a smile that almost enticed him to follow her… until he caught her brother's frown.

Uhhh… right. This version of Leonard Snart, still a bit fresh from the time stream, wasn't quite ready to put in a good word for him with Lisa yet. In fact, he didn't even know about that promise. Apparently the Captain Cold recruited a few months ago to break into ARGUS had come from the future, not the past like Barry'd thought.

Well, it sort of was the past… but it seemed to be a past still in the Waverider's future. Before Cisco could work himself into a headache trying to sort it out, Sara had waved him off and said to leave it to the Legends - something Cisco was only too happy to do.

And considering the way she and Snart were hovering around each other… well, maybe Sara could… _thaw_ Captain Cold out a bit, enough for him to give Cisco a chance with Lisa.

So… Burger, no onion.

He found himself a paper plate and a bun… then lost his appetite when he saw the… _monstrosity_ … in Rene Ramirez' hand. "Dude. No way you're eating that. No way."

Rene looked at the burger, five layers of beef and cheese on a bun dripping ketchup and Thousand Island dressing onto the blacktop. Then he looked back up at Cisco with raised eyebrows. "What? Kicking bad guy butt makes me hungry!"

Cisco felt a bit queasy as he watched a thick pink droplet narrowly miss the presidential medal Rene had gotten not an hour ago for all that bad guy butt-kicking.

Mick snorted. "Amateur," he rumbled before taking a bite out of his hot dog. His own medal was stuffed in his pocket, the ribbon hanging out.

Rene huffed at him. "Says the man who's eating an itty bitty hot dog!"

"You've never seen just how many of those he can put away!" Sara chortled from the bench where she was sitting with Snart, who'd returned to poring over the pardon letter he'd received along with his presidential medal. Between stopping the Time Masters and the Anti-Monitor, Leonard Snart was now a hero twice over, but considering the way fate had kicked the Snart siblings around over the years, Cisco couldn't really blame him for being doubtful about a piece of paper.

Apparently satisfied that there was no fine print to trip him up, Snart folded the letter and tucked it away in a pocket of his parka. "Mick's always thinking with his stomach," he said.

Mick didn't seem to take offense at his partner's jibe. He just chuckled before taking another bite.

Rip scratched his beard thoughtfully. "Mr. Rory does strain the Waverider's replicator system even under the best of circumstances."

"Rene's been banned from every Big Belly Burger within a ten-block radius of the Arrowcave," Curtis countered. "He cleans them out every time he walks in."

"This is starting to sound like a challenge," Snart drawled, slipping his medal into a pocket before rising to grab a couple of beers from HR, who, in the absence of a coffee machine, had taken charge of the keg.

"What, me versus the old man there?" Rene scoffed.

"You're on!" Mick said through a mouthful of hot dog and bun.

"Oh! Battle of the Bellies!" Cisco exclaimed, getting a chorus of groans.

"We're not calling it that," Sara said firmly, accepting the beer Snart offered her.

Barry had apparently heard the conversation, and joined the group with a huge grin. "Eating contest? Guys, I'm in!"

"Wait a second, wait a second!" Felicity interjected. "Barry, that wouldn't be a fair contest. You're a metahuman, and Mick is a…" She stopped suddenly as Mick raised an eyebrow at her. "Uh, I'm not going to finish that sentence."

"A wise choice," Snart said with a mock glare. "But you're right, it wouldn't be fair..."

"Captain Cold, caring about fair play? Are you sure we got the right Snart out of the time stream?" Cisco asked.

Sara smirked and leaned in to Snart. "I'm sure," she… _purred_ , getting a… _look_ from Snart that made Cisco feel like he was a voyeur.

Ohhhh-kay, time to change back to a less awkward subject. "Uhh… Barry, you can compete in the metahuman division."

"Metahuman division of what?" Now the debate was attracting the attention of the others at the barbecue, including one eager-looking Girl of Steel.

"Eating contest! Heat Wave versus Wild Dog," Barry told Kara.

Oliver shook his head. "This is just asking for trouble."

"Do we even have enough food to do this?" Jax asked.

Barry exchanged a smirk with Wally and Jessie. "We got this, guys."

The speedsters disappeared, then reappeared moments later, laden with grocery bags. Joe raised his eyebrows as they dropped them on the table next to the grill. "I'm not gonna get a call about a 211, am I?" he asked.

"We paid for 'em, Dad!" Wally grinned.

"Paid? Have we taught you people nothing?" Snart complained with an exaggerated sigh and an eye roll at his sister, who just laughed and nudged Cisco's shoulder.

A short time later, the platform where the hero teams had earlier been honored was ready for a different (" _Disgusting_ ," muttered Thea) spectacle. One table was laden with plates of hot dogs and buns, along with cups of water. On another, smaller table rested the "trophy:" one of the huge teeth Ray had knocked from King Shark's mouth during the final battle.

Thea had deemed that disgusting as well, even after Lisa gilded it with her gold gun.

Cisco jumped up on the platform and clapped his hands together for everyone's attention. "All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the First Annual Heroes Hot Dog Challenge!"

"No such thing as a First Annual!" Kara corrected. She shrugged at Cisco's glare. "Snapper's making me memorize the Associated Press Stylebook. It says, 'An event cannot be described as annual until it has been held in at least two successive years.' So we can call it 'annual' when we do this again next year!"

"Dear God, I hope not," Stein groaned.

"You sure you want to use the word 'hero' with Mick?" Diggle asked.

"I'm not sure 'villain' still applies," Caitlin answered thoughtfully, getting a chortle from Mick.

Cisco tapped his foot impatiently, which probably would have been more impressive if he hadn't been wearing sneakers. "Are we finished?" he asked sternly, then grinned and said, "We're going with Nathan's rules here."

"You've got rules about hot dogs, dude?" Jax asked his teammate.

Nate shook his head. "My full name is Nathaniel, not Nathan. But I do have a hot dog rule: I don't eat 'em. Have you ever read how they're made? Steeling up doesn't give me a cast iron stomach!"

"I think Cisco is talking about Nathan's Hot Dog Company on Coney Island," Amaya said. "Rex used to take me there back in the 1940s."

Cisco pointed at her and nodded. "Exactly! Now, Nathan's Rules! Whoever downs the most dogs… and buns… in ten minutes is the winner. No skipping the buns! There will be yellow cards for sloppy eating…"

"Then Mr. Rory is in trouble!" Stein interjected. Mick just grinned.

Cisco continued, "And you're disqualified if you have a 'reversal of fortune.'"

"He means if you throw up," Ray added helpfully. He shrugged when Oliver gave him a disbelieving look. "Lots of useless trivia in here," he said, tapping his temple.

"And the rest of him is just plain useless," Snart said with a smirk, which turned into a _woof_ when Sara elbowed him in the side, spilling his beer.

Cisco waited for the laughter to die down, then continued. "If you've gotta puke, use the bucket next to you."

"If you miss, Rene, I'm not cleaning it up," Curtis called out.

"Now, since Team Flash has no dog—" there were groans all around, and Cisco smirked at his own joke— "in this particular fight, HR will serve as our official timekeeper, while Caitlin and Julian have volunteered to be our scorekeepers."

"A doctor and a medical examiner. Well, they're both used to looking at disgusting things," Thea said, to another round of laughter.

"Iris and Ralph will be in charge of the yellow cards," Cisco continued. "Ralph will monitor Mad Dog…"

"That's Wild Dog!" Rene corrected.

Cisco gave him a sidelong look and went on, "And Iris will keep an eye on Heat Wave."

"Hey, you got _his_ code name right!" Rene objected.

Cisco smirked. "I _gave_ him the code name, Dog-man. Team Arrow ever wants to borrow my genius…"

"Come on, can we get on with it?" Snart interrupted, returning to Sara's side and taking a drink from his now-refilled beer cup.

Cisco fixed him with a look. "Just chill, bro."

Snart choked on his beer at that. He wiped his mouth and muttered, "I'm not your damn _bro_ ," while Sara nudged his shoulder.

With a smirk, Cisco called out, "H.R., my man, are you ready?"

"Champing at the bit, San Francisco!" the older man said, brandishing a stopwatch instead of his ever-present drumsticks.

"Contestants, are you ready?"

Rene pumped one fist in the air. Mick… _belched_ and said, "I am now!"

Out of the corner of one eye, Cisco saw Thea shaking her head and putting a hand to her forehead while Lisa patted the younger woman's shoulder. He chuckled and called out, "All right, let's count it down from _ten! Nine… eight…"_

The assembled teams counted down to zero, and the contest began.

By about three minutes, Cisco was beginning to think Thea had the right idea, turning away from the… spectacle. Rene was staying just this side of earning a yellow card, gobbling down bites of hot dog and bun. Mick was eating the dogs first, then dunking the buns in water and swallowing them down.

But even if this was as "gross" as Thea claimed, Cisco couldn't help noticing the smiles on all these faces that never got to smile enough. Even Oliver Queen, who Cisco privately thought was more a Grim Arrow than a Green Arrow, was laughing over something with Sara.

Six minutes. Rene switched tactics, mimicking Mick's technique.

Eight minutes. Mick's eyes were starting to look a little glazed.

Nine minutes. Both men were slowing down, but neither was stopping. Maybe those buckets would stay empty.

Ten seconds left. HR started leading the group through another countdown. " _Three… two… one!"_

Rene swayed a little as he swallowed one last bit of bun. Mick looked a bit green, then opened his mouth…

And belched again.

"Charming as always, Mr. Rory," Rip groaned. Lisa chuckled and patted him on the shoulder.

"You can always count on Mick to be a class act," Snart observed drily, sidling up to Sara once again in an almost possessive manner that had Oliver raising an eyebrow before returning to Felicity.

Shaking his head, Cisco turned to the scorekeepers. "Julian, how many dogs did the Wild Dog finish?"

"I have to ask first, would that be considered cannibalism?" Julian replied with a grin. "Fifty for Mr. Ramirez."

There were cheers from team Arrow. Cisco let that die down, then turned to Caitlin. "So, Wild Dog set the bar at fifty! Caitlin, how many did Heat Wave burn through?"

He heard Mick let out an appreciative chuckle/belch, just before Caitlin announced, "Fifty-two!"

Cheers and applause rose up from the group as Rene and Mick shook hands. Cisco handed the trophy to Mick, who held it up with something of a victory roar, then passed it over to Rip. "Here. Something cool for your study."

Rip accepted it with a slightly pained expression. "Cool. Indeed."

"Our turn!" Kara exclaimed. She floated up onto the platform, followed by Barry, Wally, and Jessie. As they took their places, Joe and Curtis set out four laden plates.

"Special rules for the metahuman division," Cisco announced. "Instead of seeing how many you can eat in ten minutes, we're going to see who can finish their dogs the fastest. Each of you has fifty in front of you. First one done wins."

He held up his right arm. "Ready… set… GO!"

He'd barely dropped his hand when Jessie was standing up in front of an empty plate, both arms up in a V-for-victory. "I win!"

There were cheers and applause. Then Cisco declared, "We forgot about a trophy!"

"Allow me, Cisco," Lisa called out. She hopped up onto the platform and handed Cisco a pocket watch. "I think this is appropriate."

"Hold on a minute!" Rip exclaimed, patting his coat. "That's _my_ pocket watch!"

"I keep telling you that you have to work on your situational awareness, Rip," Snart drawled. When Curtis snickered, Snart went on, "And he's not the only one."

With a smirk, he pulled one of Curtis' T-spheres from his parka, setting it onto one of the picnic tables. It was followed by one of HR's drumsticks, several wallets and Joe West's badge.

"You're slipping, big brother," Lisa chuckled, producing a couple of bracelets and necklaces, Ray's ATOM suit case, HR's other drumstick… and Cisco's keys. "I got more than you."

"You two had a pickpocketing contest?" Barry asked, shaking his head.

"Is the ink even dry on your pardon yet?" Iris asked incredulously.

Joe was chuckling. "And you thought that leopard could change his spots, Bar!"

Leonard smirked. "If I really had changed my spots, we wouldn't be having this little shindig," he reminded everyone. "'Hero' may be on my resume now, but only because I still think like a villain!"

"Snart, I swear," Oliver began, only to trail off when Sara, with a flourish, produced his City Hall ID.

"He's not the only one who thinks like a villain," Sara announced.

The Snarts exchanged a glance. "She wins," Lisa declared, with a little bow to the Waverider's captain.

Snart nodded in acknowledgment and waved to the others to collect their belongings. As Cisco picked up his keys, he heard Snart say to Sara, "I'm impressed, Assassin."

"You're not the only one who's a hell of a thief, Crook." And Sara was purring again.

Before Cisco could move off to consider something less discomforting… like one of Rene's monster burgers… he caught a whiff of a familiar perfume. Lisa slipped her arm around his. "No hard feelings about stealing your keys, Cisco? It was just a game."

He shook his head. "Since you two… you _three_ … gave everything back, no hard feelings."

Lisa tightened her grip on his arm and moved a little closer. "I'm glad, Cisco, because after everything that's happened in the last couple of days, I think we're going to be very… close. What do you say?"

Cisco swallowed. "Uh… I think your brother might have something to say."

"Oh, don't worry about Lenny!" Lisa chuckled. "I think he's going to be a bit… preoccupied... himself."

She jerked a thumb over her shoulder. Cisco followed it to where Snart and Sara were definitely… preoccupied.

Captain Cold was indeed thawing out.

Cisco looked back at Lisa's dancing eyes. She squeezed his arm and said, "What do you say we get a cheeseburger?"

Cisco smiled and nodded.

Yes, life was good.


End file.
